Over the last several years we have transported you, our faithful readers, from coast to coast, and across international borders in search of high samosa-to-rupee ratio restaurants. Despite this geographical diversity, we have, thus far, restricted our search to relative low altitudes—until now. Herein we report the first MC review from 30,000 ft. Yogi was surprised and delighted to find that UA84, in addition to providing non-stop service from EWR to TLV, offered Indian food as its sole vegetarian option.
UA84 sported a claustrophobic interior with ample seating for 266 patrons (Boeing 777-200; c.f. SeatGuru), as well as several multipurpose chambers for Mile(age) High (Plus) Club members to engage in postprandial activities. The curved, whitewashed walls featured small windows that, while frost-covered, lacked the familiar grease film to which we have grown accustomed. Unlike all prior establishments we have reviewed, UA84 is the first to sport personal entertainment devices at each seat. We can only assume these were used to distract patrons from the poor quality food.
After a several hour wait, undoubtedly prolonged by the narrow food transportation aisle, Yogi’s food finally arrived. At this point UA84 was positioned over the North Atlantic, near the southwestern tip of Nova Scotia. The food came hermetically sealed in a plastic container. Unlike other restaurants where these “packets” were presumably unsealed behind the closed kitchen doors, UA84 placed this burden on the patrons. Indeed, the packet’s label, “Rajbhog Sweets,” provided us with the name of what is perhaps the world’s largest packet distributor.
Upon opening this packet, Yogi was ecstatic to find the vegetarian eigendish, aloo gobhi! He was, of course, unsurprised at its subpar cookitude, with undercooked potatoes and mushy cauliflower. The aloo gobhi was accompanied by basmati rice, which was overly greasy and slightly undercooked. The packeted food was accompanied by stale lettuce and a rock-hard roll, rounding out an extremely underwhelming gastronomical experience.
With a combination of dry air pressurized to 10,000 ft, minimal legroom, and low quality packet food, UA84 is definitely a one samosa (▲) establishment. And, at an average ticket price of $600, UA 84 is decidedly a three-plus-plus-plus rupee (₨ ₨ ₨+++) establishment, leading to a samosa-to-rupee ratio that tends towards 0. The next time you visit the stratosphere, we strongly recommend you bring your own packets, provided you can get them through TSA.
Name: United Airlines flight 84
Address: 30,000 ft (10,000 m), circa Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia
Phone: (800) 225-8900 (Premier Reservations)
Our Yelp review
Delivery: Yes (be nice to your flight attendant!)